give and take.

life is supposed to be all about balance, right? well lately i don't feel like there's been any semblance of balance in mine. what has two thumbs and is about to lose her fucking mind? this girl. sure i have wonderful days about which i wouldn't change a thing, but overall i'm finding it very hard to live the life i want. in some of my relationships i feel like i do all the giving and never receive much in return. sure there are the occasional gestures of reciprocation, but nothing nearing the depth and frequency of my input into the relationship. i don't want to sound like a whiny bitch, but sometimes i don't want to have to be the one doing all the work; i'd like to be on the receiving end every once in awhile. and this isn't saying that i never take the passive role and let other people do the work, i do, but in that case i try to make my appreciation of their effort well known.

this is how i feel.

perhaps this is just the stress of the end of the semester getting the best of everyone. i seem to have this overwhelming sense of urgency about the next week or so, but then what? more shit to get done. it seems like it never ends. i'm longing for a summer straight out of my childhood. a carefree, barefoot, drinking straight out of the hose, skinned knees, be home when the street lights turn on, eating warm tomatoes straight out of the garden kind of summer. but since i've been working on this whole being a grown up kind of thing, i need to get a job and save some money and pay off my car and not just bum out by the pool all summer. hopefully i can find some gainful employment where someone pays me to watch their kids while we bum out at the pool all summer.


i have some goals i'd like accomplish this summer, including but not limited to:
-becoming less lumpy.
-growing my hair.
-getting a killer tan.
-putting some money in the bank.
-getting some more birth experience under my belt. get it? punny.
-visiting the jers, ft. wayne, rockville centre, maybe a little trip to boca, and something out west, maybe phoenix.
-putting my kindle to good use.
-practicing my extreme couponing.


we'll see how it goes, i doubt i'll complete all of them, but hey, when do i ever finish what i start?

always with the procrastinating and people watching.

i have a procrastination problem so severe that it's almost crippling. with any assignment or deadline there is no doubt that i will put it off until the last possible second and try to pull through with the buzzer shot. this works 85% of the time and the rest i'm left making excuses. tomorrow is going to be one of those excuses kind of days. here i sit in the library people watching instead of writing about Radical Feminism in the Sixties. i'm hoping for one of those clutch moments tomorrow so that everything gets turned in on time. anyone wanting to volunteer for my Human Sexuality PSA, let me know. you can play Herpes Patient #1 or Chlamydia Patient #3. it's really up to you.


if you're ever hurting for entertainment, all you need to do take a little trip to visit to herman and watch the freaks. so far we have the hair eater, the black sorority girl who looks more put together than i will on my wedding day, the girl with two tone hair, the dude looking like he's about to have a panic attack, some biddie spending eight hours working on her chem lab report, the four kids sleeping, the group of asian kids huddled in a corner eating the most delectable meal i've ever seen. i love IU. from where i'm sitting i can see at least three computers playing the new iLL5 song on youtube. golden.


there are so many advantages regarding coming to the H. Bee Dubs that i've never realized until today. who knew you can scan other peoples' iTunes libraries. also who knew so many people would have a-ha's 'Take Me On' as the first song listed on their catalog. classic.


now reality is setting in and i realize that i have approximately four hundred eighty seven things due in twelve minutes and thirteen seconds. shit. maybe next time i'll do my work before the night it's due. really, though? who am i kidding.