give and take.

life is supposed to be all about balance, right? well lately i don't feel like there's been any semblance of balance in mine. what has two thumbs and is about to lose her fucking mind? this girl. sure i have wonderful days about which i wouldn't change a thing, but overall i'm finding it very hard to live the life i want. in some of my relationships i feel like i do all the giving and never receive much in return. sure there are the occasional gestures of reciprocation, but nothing nearing the depth and frequency of my input into the relationship. i don't want to sound like a whiny bitch, but sometimes i don't want to have to be the one doing all the work; i'd like to be on the receiving end every once in awhile. and this isn't saying that i never take the passive role and let other people do the work, i do, but in that case i try to make my appreciation of their effort well known.

this is how i feel.

perhaps this is just the stress of the end of the semester getting the best of everyone. i seem to have this overwhelming sense of urgency about the next week or so, but then what? more shit to get done. it seems like it never ends. i'm longing for a summer straight out of my childhood. a carefree, barefoot, drinking straight out of the hose, skinned knees, be home when the street lights turn on, eating warm tomatoes straight out of the garden kind of summer. but since i've been working on this whole being a grown up kind of thing, i need to get a job and save some money and pay off my car and not just bum out by the pool all summer. hopefully i can find some gainful employment where someone pays me to watch their kids while we bum out at the pool all summer.


i have some goals i'd like accomplish this summer, including but not limited to:
-becoming less lumpy.
-growing my hair.
-getting a killer tan.
-putting some money in the bank.
-getting some more birth experience under my belt. get it? punny.
-visiting the jers, ft. wayne, rockville centre, maybe a little trip to boca, and something out west, maybe phoenix.
-putting my kindle to good use.
-practicing my extreme couponing.


we'll see how it goes, i doubt i'll complete all of them, but hey, when do i ever finish what i start?